This post is a response to a message appeared on the guest book Gay Project.
______
Age 41-45. Hi, I want to understand more about homosexuality and how it can be latent.
My husband, 43, would have recently discovered bisexual but the constant uncertainty and mutability of its cultural and professional choices, her attachment to me (even sex, for years, and loving) the inadvertent and occasional aesthetic interest to other women , the coincidence, moreover, of his outing in conjunction with the obvious need to make commitments more mature than in past which I have just taken charge of the project involving them more of communal life, its chase when I walked away, leaving me very puzzled. I respect, painfully, his choice, if I could believe that it is inevitable but I suspect a pretext semi-conscious.
Our environment has always been free and open, we always frequented gay friends, our conversation was deep and had no reason to hide for nearly two decades. I would be very grateful for review.
My husband, 43, would have recently discovered bisexual but the constant uncertainty and mutability of its cultural and professional choices, her attachment to me (even sex, for years, and loving) the inadvertent and occasional aesthetic interest to other women , the coincidence, moreover, of his outing in conjunction with the obvious need to make commitments more mature than in past which I have just taken charge of the project involving them more of communal life, its chase when I walked away, leaving me very puzzled. I respect, painfully, his choice, if I could believe that it is inevitable but I suspect a pretext semi-conscious.
Our environment has always been free and open, we always frequented gay friends, our conversation was deep and had no reason to hide for nearly two decades. I would be very grateful for review.
______
'll try to answer based on experience in the Project, using an authentic documentation, consisting of tracks e-mails that have been authorized to publish.
We start with a premise. Meanwhile, the term "latent homosexuality" is a homosexuality which there is no awareness. It is not consciously repressed homosexuality but a reality that operates below the level of consciousness and which manifests itself through a series of phenomena that are interpreted by those who observe them in categories based on himself well out of homosexuality.
Let's examine the first email I received from a 43-year old we'll call Mark.
"Hello Project, let me ask you an opinion on some issues that give me some time to think about. I do a prerequisite, I am a married man and I have a daughter almost 19 years, I've always been straight, the girls and I have always tried to be with them and I liked it a lot, unfortunately sometimes they are just stressed out and maybe there a bit 'of performance anxiety, so sometimes live their sexuality in a non-peaceful, but I'm fine with my wife, she keeps us very much to me, with her I feel at ease and then it is not something essentially sexual , we want very well. Since I'm with you I do not feel the need to masturbate with her because we do sesso abbastanza spesso, d’altra parte la masturbazione non è mai stata una fissa per me, riuscivo a farne a meno anche prima. Quando mi sono messo con mia moglie non avrei mai creduto di poter vivere la sessualità con lei, cioè la spinta che provavo verso di lei non è stata quella, poi le cose sono venute da sé piano piano, avevo un po’ di timori che si sono sciolti via via e adesso le cose vanno bene. Quanto agli amici, ne ho anche di gay e non ho nessuna preclusione di principio nei loro confronti. Faccio ancora attività sportiva, non agonistica, ho la possibilità di vedere i miei compagni di squadra nudi un sacco di volte ma la cosa mi è del tutto indifferente, non ho mai pensato che avrei potuto fare sex with a boy. I have a friend with whom I am fine, a straight friend, a teammate, we talk often and dialogue between us is very nice, he tells me of his feelings with him and I talk about everything, including sexual problems, it happens that often go out in four, he and I and our wives, with this friend I often speak to me but its presence does not and has never had any other meaning, that is a friend and nothing else. I said at the beginning that I sometimes feel a bit 'tired and I think this compromise a bit' relations with my wife, sometimes when I'm with you I recall the problems of work and I do not like it because I get lost the best moments, but it will pass, I'm sure. "
Let us analyze the content of this song which is the start of the first email I received from Mark.
Phenomenology within hetero (weakness of sexuality straight)
Marco has or may sometimes have problems with erection when he is intimate with his wife, tends to get distracted during heterosexual sex, heterosexual sex lives as a response to the initiatives of the wife does not masturbate (or did not do it often) thinking of his girlfriend even though he had relations with her Frequently, they tend to spend more time with her friends or with a friend who with his wife. For him, the hetero sexuality not to be considered a primary drive but plays the role of complement to a loving relationship, or sexual interest is not the first impulse to the creation of emotional contact, but on the contrary, the choice of primary affective also due to the sexual availability. Mark did not think of a physical type of girl who awakens him an immediate sexual interest, that is not an archetypal female sex. In adolescence has always been sought by the girls (not to say try them) with which it has had some form of sexual contact but did not take the initiative. Masturbation in adolescence was not frequent.
Phenomenology in gay context (the absence of gay sexuality)
Marco has never had sexual responses related to the presence of another boy, he attended gyms, swimming pools or locker rooms and makes Showering together with others without any sexual response, feels no embarrassment in dealing with discourses regarding homosexuality, it also has gay friends with whom he has a relationship very similar to what you have with straight friends, has never been even remotely touched by the idea of \u200b\u200bbeing able to think of a guy masturbating.
will now continue with the mail text of Mark.
Elements of heterosexual identity crisis and acceptance of bisexuality
"Project, you'll tell me, then what's the problem? And here I start to not understand. I love my wife, I shared everything with her, a woman is as it should and has done a lot for me, it was even made against his family to get married, because the family wanted to marry another (the parents knew) but she has set and we got married. I want to emphasize that it is was not a choice of opportunities, but a marriage of love, I especially the first time, I lived with her own wonderful years, I was missing anything when we got married I was 23 and she 21, the year after I was born daughter and I could not be happier than that. I have been married for 20 years and for 19 of those 20 years I have had in mind only my wife, I never cheated on my wife, I never even passed my mind, then suddenly you are presented with a situation that put me in a crisis . We hosted at our house a nephew of my wife of 22 years, let's call him Luke, a handsome guy, I think my daughter is in love with it and so far there would be no problem. The fact is that a night when my wife was not there because his mother had gone, I made one of the very few erotic dreams (wet dream) of my life and I wanted to see Luke, I dreamed that he wanted to be embraced by me and we finished the caresses intimate and I came to orgasm. In the dream was all very nice, but when I woke up and I did mind the night I fell upon the world, I felt dirty and because it was a dream to be homosexual because Luke is 22, almost the age of my daughter. And then I thought of my wife, I wondered if I should speak with her or not, and I was just terrible. Then I told myself that dreams do not mean anything but this puzzles me because in the dream I experienced emotions that I had violent sex but tried it before, as a kind of super-sexuality. The next morning I saw Luke, calling me uncle, I felt like a traitor to the trust that guy, even a kind of pedophile, I was very ill but I did strength and I did not reveal anything that I carried inside. In the evening my wife went back to the love we made, it was great, I would say that it seemed to me to be back to the earliest days of our marriage, I felt comforted because between me and my wife had not changed and if anything had changed had changed the better. The nightmare of being gay I felt less threatened. When Luke returned home I was relieved, as if the danger had passed. However my wife did not say anything, and because I did not want to shake, and because I thought it was a passing thing. For two months I returned to my former life, then the summer holidays I found myself with a boy not much older than Luke and I realized that I was led to observe, seemed beautiful, smiling, with a smile I've never seen a girl, I remembered the voice, gestures, large hands, beautiful, with flawless skin. This guy, I'll call Silvio, was fond of me, came to our house by the sea, my wife thought she was taught to our children but it was not. Silvio was to be with me and I was with him bene, cercavo tutti i modi per poter passare un po’ di tempo con lui, per un po’ la cosa è stata molto gradevole ma poi ho cominciato ad aver paura di spingermi troppo oltre. Tra noi non c’è stato mai nulla e Silvio mi trattava come un papà però per me le cose non stavano esattamente così. Non pensavo a lui in termini sessuali e questo mi faceva stare tranquillo, cercavo di mettere da parte l’idea di poter essere innamorato di Silvio ma di fatto era così, però ti ripeto, nessuna fantasia sessuale su di lui, proprio mai, non lo so, forse mi reprimevo, però Silvio mi faceva stare bene. Anche questa volta non ho detto niente a mia moglie e in fondo non avevo nulla da dirle, tra me e Silvio non there was nothing, not even in dreams. But with Silvio had less fear of being bisexual to be able to discover, say, putting it into account at least in the abstract. I do not mean to be homosexual but bisexual because sexual intercourse with my wife were still good or at least passably. Back in the autumn and is a practitioner in my office again, 25 years on, he started on the sexual thoughts and my fear is resumed. I came to ask to be sent to another home, but then I needed to see him back where he was and he never noticed anything, even with this guy there was never anything but it was the first guy on which I have erotic fantasies, per un verso ero spaventato, ma per l’altro mi dicevo: perché no? Dopotutto una cosa del genere non distrugge il mio matrimonio, questi ragazzi non ne sanno niente, allora perché privarmi di una cosa che in fondo non fa male a nessuno. Sono bisex, ok, ne prendo atto. Tanto poi queste cose restano tutte nella mia fantasia perché non mi viene proprio in mente che potrei mettere in crisi in mio matrimonio e il rapporto con mia figlia per una fantasia sessuale. Diciamo che questo è lo stadio al quale sono adesso, la mia vera paura è quelle dell’escalation cioè che queste cose che prima non esistevano proprio e che piano piano ho finito per accettare possano poi evolvere presentandomi il conto e magari spingendomi in qualche happened that I could put in big trouble. Up here I can accept what is happening to me but I was terrified that the thing does not stop here. My wife knows nothing of all this and by the way I would not know how to make them understand a thing. "
Beyond the example I quoted, situations arise where the balance maintenance prior to the emergence of homosexuality is virtually impossible. The evolution in those cases does not go to a predominantly heterosexual bisexuality to where you can hold a maximum of homosexuality but towards masturbation episodic forms of exclusive homosexuality that bring a crisis in marriage and inevitably lead to separation.
In the case of Mark (the one mentioned before) the wife is completely unconscious, but where homosexuality latent homosexuality evolves into exclusive the role of the wife becomes critical in these situations because the husband intends to marriage as a trap and the marital relationship holds only negative aspects. In general, husbands who come from situations of latent homosexuality speak with their wives only if they feel the impossibility of continuing the marriage bond and in such cases, even if their husbands describe themselves as bisexual is to be believed that it is rather than exclusive homosexuality.
must be said that generally the wives consider the behavior of her husband being a choice, which is not true, it is instead the emergence of a latent sexuality, which involves, for those who live in these situations of distress were often very deep.
__________
If you want, you can participate in the discussion of this post is open to the Gay Project Forum:
0 comments:
Post a Comment