This post is dedicated to the children for whom the acceptance of their gay sexuality as normal and it was still problematic. I will try to clarify the mechanisms by which the repression of gay sexuality is external and internalized generates insecurities and inner conflicts.
'll start with an assumption that is a bit 'the sum of experience in Project Gay, everyone, but particularly young boys, they need to live a rewarding affective-relational dimension, which is the foundation for adult sexual and emotional life. This relational-affective should develop within the family through that loving yourself is primary, indestructible, not connected to any conditions. If this is done taking care of yourself so the kids have to grow with the fixed points of affective type, with certainty, and if not to develop a dialogue, which is not always easy, at least a relationship of respect and affection with their parents . Unfortunately it happens that some parents are not really capable (not always their fault) to build and maintain a loving relationship with their children. This is not in any way related to the cultural level of the parents. There are well-educated parents, even in matters of psychology, who lack a proper emotional charge against of children who love them and accept them before they judge them, build on their expectations and raise conditions for giving their affection and there are parents who have never read a book on psychology but are instinctively capable of transmitting a charge with a hug strong affective. The need for emotional contact not only sews to the family but the spring is in life and "real" people. A true emotional contact is a lot of pressure to life, but it often happens that a mistaken sense of decency do not talk about these things and you put the margin.
affective and sexual education, not precepts but is never imitative. What you really internalize the behaviors that are observed closely in the family, is the true affective education. See parents who share a smile or a caress that show respect for one another, involving children in a warm affective dimension, where you can say "I love you" without fear that the sentence is considered stupid, the guys feel good, makes them feel in a serene setting, close to parents who love them.
There are times when parents and children, however, triggered mechanisms that have nothing to che vedere con l’affettività. Alcuni genitori non pongono sempre e comunque al primo posto il rapporto affettivo con i figli ma lo subordinano ad alcuni “se”. In qualche modo questi genitori non amano i figli in quanto tali ma li amano in quando soddisfano dei requisiti e trasmettono loro in questo modo inconsciamente una scala di valori attraverso una serie di ricatti affettivi. Un campo tipico in cui si realizzano questi meccanismi sono gli studi e in particolare la scelta della facoltà universitaria in cui il genitore lascia “libero” il figlio ma gli suggerisce che lui preferirebbe la scelta di una particolare facoltà, presentando quindi al figlio non la possibilità di scegliere in modo incondizionato ma solo la possibilità to say no to that is that parents such as his best choice. Often the choice given by the parent is not properly balanced to the same parent but it is a test of his authority against the child. A similar argument is made for straight guys when parents tend to suggest that the girl child as a girl can be that the parents deem appropriate, this implying that the child is immature and unable to choose for themselves. Clearly the mechanisms of emotional blackmail and conditioned emotional response of parents occur in explosive form in matters relating to the sexual orientation of children. A parent is assumed that the child should be straight because assume a modello la propria sessualità, è socialmente condizionato e non ha la più pallida idea di che cosa significhi essere gay. Su questa base un discorso serio con i figli su tematiche concernenti l’orientamento sessuale non solo è impossibile ma rischia di diventare uno scontro di principio. Se manca alla base del rapporto genitori-figli quella affettività primaria incondizionata e il genitore vive l’omosessualità del figlio come un tradimento delle proprie aspettative, le conseguenze non possono che essere negative. Spesso il rifiuto dei figli in quanto non conformi o ritenuti non conformi alle aspettative dei genitori circa l’orientamento sessuale, avviene in età molto precoce, quando il genitore vede o crede to see the son of the attitudes that considered gay. At that time the actual size of stops and takes over the precepts: "this is right and this wrong," you must ... "and so on. etc. .. The parent tries to impose limits to his son who he could remarry on track. Often children, especially if young, do not make even realize that the impositions that suffer from their parents are manifestations of homophobia ("can not go around like that, you look like a fag!"). Let's just say that at this stage the parent it still has the hope of guiding the sexuality of children by correcting a series of external behaviors. I would like noted that generally the parents who have doubts about the sexuality of children, avoid talking about homosexuality in a serious way and are limited to the use of expressions of condemnation in principle and without appeal and speak with his son, giving absolutely for granted, even if it is satisfied the contrary, that the child is heterosexual, and even encourage him to be a girl. These mechanisms are triggered early and act on boys aged 13-14, in this way, one can see as the only hetero sexuality. There is yet another important thing, these guys that they no longer have a real dialogue with their parents are in the lack of emotional and when you approach a girl trying to establish con quella ragazza un rapporto affettivo vero. Questo significa che tra una ragazza etero adolescente ma anche 16/18enne e un ragazzo gay adolescente ma anche 16/18enne possono crearsi rapporti affettivi importanti che tuttavia non sono simmetrici, per la ragazza si tratta di un’affettività che ha una valenza sessuale, per il ragazzo si tratta di un rapporto in cui la sessualità non entra o entra poco, e qui cominciamo gli errori e le forzature. Il ragazzo dice “io la amo profondamente”, dice la verità ma si riferisce a una dimensione affettiva e non sessuale, percepisce che la ragazza vorrebbe da lui anche un contatto sessuale ma non si sente spontaneamente portato a corrispondere a quella richiesta, si sente inadeguato e vive his liking to the girl with a deep discomfort. Sometimes the emotional needs are so strong that the presence of erection in moments of intimacy with the girl is viewed as a clear sign of heterosexuality, or at least bisexuality. Keep in mind that the gay guys who live these experiences, except that it is not latent homosexuality, and then unconscious, still live in a parallel masturbatory gay sexuality and often make heavy use of pornography but they do so with a deep sense of guilt, presenting often resist their gay sexuality in the name of love for the girl to whom they are willing to sacrifice their sexuality because of the emotional heat that the girl can give them. These guys are totally alone and left to themselves can not deal with any realistic discourse about their sexuality and oscillate between the sublime and affectivity gay pornography against the girl. It is not unusual for a guy comes, not to lose the girl to have sex with her but it is true that forcing the true sexuality of these guys is masturbation gay sexuality but is experienced as a breakdown and something which must be avoided at all costs, even if in fact you can not avoid it. Here's how the repression of gay sexuality is transformed into self-repression and feelings of inadequacy and marginalization. A gay boy growing up in these situations very great difficulty in her sexuality as normal for two different reasons, the first is the habit to consider one thing to fight and the second is the prevalence of pornography and the resulting models used to separate emotions and sexuality. For these children is difficult enough to accept a gay physical sexuality without guilt, but is certainly much more difficult to think of a guy to live a true form of love that unites the affective dimension with the more specifically sexual. You must realize the reality of everyday life of being gay, the coexistence necessary emotional and sexual elements to build a deep relationship. Exit the conditioning function by repression of homosexuality is not easy, is to restructure his personality on the basis of gay sexuality that should not be seen as a negative element but as a value. Hence the fear of being gay, which derives from ignorance of reality gay and his erroneous identification with everything that is presented as gay. In overcoming the fear of being gay represents a major have gay friends who can create an atmosphere of emotional and dialogue that allows a guy feel good, to feel at ease with gay friends. Being gay, if it is seen as a serious matter, involving the deep affection of the people and allows you to live a life of high moral profile that can give great satisfaction.
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