Hello Project,
are as of December 27, 2010 4:40, an hour very unusual to write an email, but After spending several hours reading the forum I decided. In fact, the input is another. Last night I had discovered the forum, to my eye seemed a very different thing than usual, then I saw that there was a chat and I entered. The guys have received me well, and above all it seemed a place of serious people, educated guys who talk about normal things for the pleasure of being together, a few minutes later I was contacted by a guy who had a nickname that I remember well gp_000, and we talked a bit, 'he told me 23 years and have talked to other guys in the chat and that seemed like a serious thing and told me that you would contact. Frankly, I felt a bit 'wrong-footed but positive, I do not believe their luck to find a gay scene where a guy contacts you with no other purpose than for a chat. Then we talked a bit ', I thought it was a great guy. I left the chat and I started to read through the forums and there I was up at 4.40. I can say I've never seen anything like it on the net and I really like and then I decided to write to you. I'm actually a newbie in the gay world and I need to clarify a bit 'ideas why I confess that I am a bit' scared and really find a place for me is essential. But now I'll explain better. I am a boy of 25 years and my real problem was my so-called bisexuality. I have read some of your articles that I have clarified a bit 'ideas and I have confirmed in a set of beliefs to which I had arrived already own, but from the beginning. In pratica, fino a 20-21 anni non ho mai avuto dubbi circa il mio orientamento sessuale, mi piacevano le ragazze, solo le ragazze, ho avuto moltissime storie, e molte anche con risvolti sessuali, queste cose mi piacevano molto, soprattutto l’idea di vincere le resistenze di una ragazza, però, col senno di poi, credo di non essermi mai veramente innamorato di una ragazza. Cioè vivevo il rapporto con una ragazza come una cosa solo mia, lei era un po’ un modo per dimostrare a me stesso che in quelle cose ci sapevo fare. Per capirci, fino a 21/22 anni ho avuto rapporti sessuali, meglio sarebbe dire, ho avuto forme di contatto sessuale con una decina di ragazze, con quattro ho avuto rapporti completi, con le altre masturbazione each other, my fantasies were all straight. Between 20 and 21 years at a New Year's party I met a girl Emma (do not call it that) that I took seriously and tried to build me something different. At first what I was doing well, when I spoke to her saying "my girlfriend" thing that I did not do with any of the other, I felt grown up, gratified, we had sex and things went very well. It went on for several months, in the meantime I met a boy, Mark (do not call it that), who had a couple of years older than me, I was sympathetic, often talked on msn, then we went out together and sometimes we were often late. Summer's here, Emma went on holiday with her and Mark invited me to spend a week with him in a mountain home that has the Apennines. I state that Mark was heterosexual and that at the time I was too straight but the week was definitely the best week of my life, I felt free and popular with Marco, in a sense, pampered, had formed an intimate relationship unbelievable we spoke of our relationship with our girls and he understood me. The first night we were in separate rooms from the second we were in the same room to talk until late. I was fine, better than I was with Emma, \u200b\u200bwith her in the end we had to get to sex, was not bad but for her it was a fixed one, for me not, with Mark I felt free, no obligation, so I have experienced that with a guy I could actually feel very well, as a girl even better. We also joked, played, made a pillow, made the struggle, but without sexual implications, then at least I thought it was so, in reality, even if I did not understand, I was falling in love with Marco. After the holiday, when Emma came back I went back to her and in practice since his company began to wear on me, I felt certain that I did not like underscores, not really seem like my own, at least not mine to 100%. Emma continued with sexual intercourse but the thing for me had a strange taste, it was not like before, I was lazy, I tried not to get involved and she has noticed, wanted to know if I knew other girls, but I had known, in fact I tried to please her and it was while making love to her for the first time I have thought Marco in another way, a kind of impersonation, I imagined that with me there was Mark. The night I masturbated thinking about Mark. It was the first time that happened to me thinking of a boy. The feeling was strange, I had never done such a thing but at the same time I was very good, I said: I'm bisexual, is obvious. And here began my madness, I Mark tried to get back in touch because I expected from him who knows what, I thought maybe he could have fallen in love with me, but the only thing I got was a dinner of four in a restaurant. He saw only his girlfriend, Emma saw only me and I only saw him, a situation in which for the first time I found myself playing the part dell'Innamorata, but I acted well because no one noticed it. I did not know who to talk to, that Mark had to let it go it was obvious, to speak out with Emma I did not have their courage and then I have worked hard to be a good straight, they are practically compelled me. Every time I made love with Emma seemed che in fondo potevo essere anche etero, poi mi masturbavo pensando a Marco e allora pensavo di essere bisex, in effetti dopo l’estate non mi sono più masturbato pensando a una ragazza, per me c’era solo Marco. Voglio precisare una cosa, per me non c’erano i ragazzi, c’era solo Marco e questo mi portava a pensare che in fondo non ero gay e nemmeno bisex, perché desideravo un ragazzo solo. Evitavo scrupolosamente la pornografia perché sarei finito su quella gay e mi avrebbe dato fastidio, quello che provavo per Marco non lo volevo confondere con la pornografia. Mi immaginavo una bellissima storia d’amore con Marco, ma con un Marco gay capace di condividerla, ho detto con un Marco gay, non bisex, just thinking about this I came the first doubts about the fact that, in fact I would never have accepted that Mark was bisexual, gay, bisexual I would have been fine but no, I would not have wanted to share with anyone. I imagined that you can have two loves, the one with Emma and the one with Mark and that both were in love with me exclusively, I then suggested that such a thing would still make sense and I could see myself bisexual, because we say so, I put all to be bisexual, I considered it an acceptable thing, closer to a correct behavior, you're in love with a girl and then a little 'of a boy, I felt something less abnormal. Sometimes I was tempted to masturbate thinking of Mark and to tell Emma that I did not want to have sex with her, but then force myself to do exactly the opposite, that is, do not even think to Mark and to make love with Emma because she is a normal thing. The situation became more and more absurd and in the end she got me cornered. At first things vague answer, like I'm tired, stress and the like, because then I could just go on and I thought the end would have been better to break I made it clear that I was bisexual and his reaction did not have endured his , wanted to know who had put me in the head with these ideas, if I had known "some of those" I told her no, first of all because it was true and then not I never brought up this story in Mark because he has nothing to do precisely nothing. I was hoping it was a good opportunity to close with Emma but it was not and so began the torture, wanted to know, wanted to understand, but what do you think I'd say it was not true, were all things that I had made up his mind " some of them. " I tried to figure out that Emma was not thinking at all a trivial thing, but she told me that I could not be gay and I told myself that I was not in fact gay but bisexual, and she insisted on saying that they were just stupid and that she knew me well, he started to make me a bit 'of coquetry, things that had never done before, little voices as a child, sexy attitudes, all of which sent me into a rage and Did I also told her for a while, 'he continued, then I understand that I did not want to go ahead and cry against me that I was just looking for excuses to pack it because I had found another one, the idea that she could not be entirely straight was virtually inconceivable, all happened between Christmas 2009 and New Year 2010. In circulation since January 2010 I was alone again. I can not deny that the early days were very hard, I missed like crazy, but I missed as a girl but as a person who might take 'care of me, I was about to call her several times because I could not just to go below, note that since I was still thinking bisexual and even start a relationship with another girl and I have come close but when it came to actually get in the game I told myself I was going to do another stupid thing, and that I had to take my time to understand. So if they have not done anything. I was alone, totally alone, my left I could not understand why Emma and felt that I had to go to a psychologist but not if it did nothing. I did not know where to turn but I needed to understand. I began to think that deep down I could use the dating sites. I turned a bit 'on any of these sites but the response was total rejection of depression and I would say. I told myself with those people that I really had nothing to do, was a logic that I felt completely foreign. Then I laid aside the internet for months and I thought I could go to an association gay, in my city there are, I tried the address, I've been there before many times. I left the house with the intention to enter, then arrived at their destination and pulled straight. I do not feel safe, I need privacy, I understand those who say they are but this is not for me and then they say I should Declares gay bisexual, at least that was what I thought then. I began to watch the boys on the street and I looked beautiful, desirable. This summer I went to sea in Puglia alone, I proposed to seek opportunities to gain experience, I was camping, I've met a lot of guys but not a gay. Now I say gay because they are at least six months that I no longer think of a girl sexually and boys camp in Puglia for me had very strong sexual attraction that I just can not deny, however, it was only fantasy. But why try it with a girl is so 'easy and try it with a guy is hard? The reason I know, but the result is depressing. Beat the holiday is over I would say my bisexuality, that is, I closed another chapter of my life but in fact I have not solved anything, I still have a thousand fears, are attracted to the idea to know a gay, at least to understand how they really are, but I would not kick me in bad experiences. After a somewhat 'depressed, yesterday I happened on a project gay and you know the rest.
Hello.
Uff25
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