[Abstract: all the songs in e-mail published in this post have been published on the explicit authorization of the senders, I thank you very much.]
Questo post è dedicato a quei ragazzi che per varie ragioni non hanno mai vissuto l’esperienza della masturbazione. Mi accade talvolta di parlare in chat con ragazzi che non hanno alcuna esperienza della sessualità fisica volontaria ma conoscono le manifestazioni fisiologiche della sessualità esclusivamente attraverso le polluzioni notturne vissute tra l’altro come qualcosa di sconveniente e di sporco. Questi ragazzi manifestano a livello personale una sostanziale indifferenza di fonte alla sessualità fisica e sono indotti a considerarla espressione di un vizio o di un lack of control over themselves. For these children, the distinction between heterosexuality and homosexuality, in fact, is not very significant because upstream lacks a realistic perception of sexuality. It should be noted that often it is not proper for young boys, but young adults between 20 and 30 which seem at first sight completely refractory to sexual stimuli that their peers consider fundamental. Clearly, when these guys try to build relationships with other boys or girls, their theoretical and potentially negative conception of sexuality makes them look strange in the eyes of others, are defined as dreamers far from reality, romantic or less politely come persone fuori dal mondo. Chiaramente l’impossibilità di un dialogo reale su contenuti relativi alla vita sessuale colloca questi ragazzi in una condizione di isolamento e di marginalità. La loro affettività senza riscontri sessuali può essere adatta ad una vita di relazione formale ma impedisce loro di stabilire contati in cui affettività e sessualità siano entrambe presenti in modo essenziale. In genere questi ragazzi non provano imbarazzo a parlare di contenuti sessuali proprio perché per loro si tratta di argomenti del tutto teorici. Alla impossibilità sostanziale di vivere la sessualità fisica in prima persona si associa una dimensione affettiva molto forte, fatta di tenerezza, di richieste di attenzione e di ricerca loving presence of important. Masturbation is considered very negative in terms of vice and the same applies to the couple's sexuality in all its forms. Lacking in substance, apparently, any sexual desire.
What is needed here to reflect on a crucial moment of adolescence is the discovery of masturbation. All too often trivializes the role of masturbation considered a kind of erotic game end in itself, in reality there is no question of an ordinary but the discovery of a desired physical sexuality in relation to a set of sexual fantasies. The association between mental and physical sexuality is passed on through sexual fantasies, masturbation. Sexuality is structured not as a purely physiological phenomenon but as a complex psycho-physiological phenomenon, in which even the appearance of only one sexual fantasy follows a physiological reaction. The size of the sexual pleasure experienced through masturbation, erection and orgasm gives a very strong psychological significance because it connects these things with a projective fantasy directed towards other people. The masturbation fantasies are usually so fundamental and independent of social conditions, beyond the behavior of couples, it is considered gay a guy who masturbates constantly with fantasies about other boys. Masturbation create and consolidate the so-called sexual archetypes that fixing the physical types of guys or girls and a boy for situations that can be highly engaging in sex in adult life. We fell in love with any boy or any girl, but only those that match our archetypes and significantly more for certain situations that are sexually exciting for some are not for others because they do not correspond to their archetypes. Years ago, when it was very difficult for children to access information about sexuality and masturbation was a taboo which was never discussed, the discovery of masturbation avveniva in modo autonomo e casuale nella grande maggioranza dei casi, oggi, con la caduta di molti tabù sessuali e con la diffusione della pornografia anche tra i ragazzi più giovani, la scoperta della masturbazione è molto spesso il risultato di una sperimentazione per imitazione indotta dall’esterno. Resta il fatto che la masturbazione ha certamente un ruolo fondamentale nella strutturazione della sessualità adulta. Aggiungo che, contrariamente a quello che si dice, la masturbazione non è una realtà esclusivamente o prevalentemente adolescenziale ma accompagna una persona per tutta la vita e per di più convive normalmente con la sessualità di coppia, anzi molte patologie dei rapporti di coppia sono rese evident from the fact that one partner is masturbating with fantasies outside the couple or if the couple is heterosexual, with homosexual fantasies. When there is no perception of sexuality, masturbation is often distorted and reductive, and this fact have consequences not indifferent.
What can prevent a guy to get to the discovery of masturbation? The possible answers to this question are two: first the physical impediments, such as hypersensitivity of the glans, which makes manipulation of the penis very painful and then discourages or impedes del tutto sul nascere qualunque forma di esplorazione sessuale, in secondo luogo le barriere di carattere psicologico fortemente interiorizzate. Va tenuto ben presente che in genere alcuni impedimenti di tipo fisico tendono ad essere meno limitanti con l’andare degli anni perché, ad esempio, l’ipersensibilità del glande diminuisce in genere con l’età e questo comporta che alcuni ragazzi possano arrivare tardivamente alla scoperta della masturbazione. Aggiungo che siccome in genere l’ipersensibilità del glande tende a ridursi molto gradualmente, in questi casi la scoperta della masturbazione non è del tutto senza problemi perché la masturbazione può provocare comunque dolore o richiedere tecniche che evitino rubbing of the glans. In general, the first impression that the boys feel the new experience are not entirely pleasant, and most masturbation is considered a purely physical fact totally independent of emotional involvement because they lack the experience of falling upstream sexually experienced through masturbation , which are the cornerstone of adolescence. In practice during the teenage boys learn to associate sexuality and emotions connected with masturbation all'innamoramento, the so-called emotional masturbation. For children over 20 years now who have not lived the typical experiences of adolescence, the association between emotions and sexuality is not automatic, but is presented as something absolutely not granted. They say that the belated discovery of masturbation leads to a delayed adolescence, or to live the experiences and emotions of the Association of masturbation at an age now an adult. These are delicate moments of the evolution of a sexual and emotional guy, but unless they experience forms of rejection of sexuality, the so-called delayed adolescence results in 12/18 months time in which a progressive increase in the frequency of masturbation are the first associations between sexual fantasies and masturbation. For a while 'time affectivity and sexuality will seem more separate realities but with the passing of the months are integrated more and more and eventually reach the full integration of the two balls and tackling delayed adolescence in a typical adult sexuality, that is based on affection. Otherwise, I would say, and more complex the situation and boys who have no physical impediments to masturbation but have never practiced for other reasons. I emphasize that I do not want to talk about guys who have engaged in masturbation, but that the repressed but their kids who have never practiced. We have so far by the situations in which there may be non-mechanical physical problems (such as hypersensitivity of the glans) but hormone and let us pause to consider the guys who have had a normal sexual development, or who have regular wet dreams a sign of normal physiological functioning of the reproductive tract and let's stop the situations in which the non-disclosure by masturbation was psychological or environmental reasons . In these situations it is not easy to expect that the impediments are not by themselves. Some things should be kept in mind: these guys live in a situation of distress and tend to close more and more. The rejection of physical sexuality is understood almost as a personal characteristic and a moral value to which you should not give up but then these guys are living a form of sensitivity very strong emotional, replacement of sexuality.
It is this last element size bed in a conscious, which can start the discovery of physical sexuality in adulthood. In fact, these guys would need a very gradual approach to sexuality from their strong emotional dimension, which is certainly not easy to obtain. When these guys get brave and approach a boy or a girl are a source of a whole set of expectations and behaviors that are incomprehensible to them and even morally dangerous because they read in those behaviors a sexual purpose for which they do not understand the meaning and scope. I quote here an excerpt from an email in which a boy sets out the situation:
"There was a guy who seemed like a must, one that was not just headlines two-way, I tried to speak, but eventually I realized that it was like everyone else, my friend meant to him talk about his girlfriend and wanted me to speak my seat, I never had, I did not know and said he was puzzled, I asked him because he gave all this emphasis on sex and he told me it was obvious, I told him that for me was not obvious, then asked me if I liked girls and I said that I liked, but as friends and then told me that I was gay but it did not upset him really, but I told him that I never had fantasies gay sex and that living with a guy I like but as a friend, as I was with him, then began to look at me weird and then he asked me who I think when I masturbate but I told him that I do and I do not understand what people find us, and he is appalled. Then, this guy was all over, obviously you are scared but I did not understand why. "
In Another song that tells the boy his first contact with a girl:
"I tried with a girl, I was fine with her, told her many things and she me, all on msn, so we talked, it was very sweet affectionate, at one point I asked for a picture but I Did not I send, and we should be upset but I said I did well. We talked a lot, told me that I was not like other boys, which was sweet, which was fine with me and he wanted to be with me as long as possible. At one point, but after a long time, I asked her if she wanted to meet me and was happy, I thought I had found a true friend as I wanted. We met, we talked, then in the car she took her hand, was a beautiful thing, I liked it, then we kissed, I liked the beginning, it was a sweet thing, but then I did not like most, it seemed a reads a bit 'like what you see in the movies, so I told her I did not feel at ease and she said "Why? What have I done? "I replied that I was not sexually interested in her because I feel the girls that we do not need. She started to cry, fell out of the car and left, he blocked my msn contact and we did not feel any more. "
Questi esempi danno un’idea delle difficoltà che questi ragazzi incontrano. I ragazzi o le ragazze che si rapportano con loro danno per scontato che la loro visione della sessualità sia quella comune ma si tratta di una presunzione sbagliata. Ci sarebbe bisogno di un approccio molto più morbido in cui la dimensione sessuale possa essere messa da parte per lunghi periodi in modo da non apparire mai aggressiva. Riporto qui di seguito un brano di una mail di un ragazzo che ha scoperto la masturbazione a 23 anni e col quale ho avuto occasione di parlare assai spesso. Quel ragazzo erra arrivato a Progetto Gay nella presunzione che his lack of interest in girls could be caused by some form of homosexuality. In reality it was a boy who had never had the experience of masturbation because of a rigid education strongly internalized. After several attempts, similar to those reported in previous examples, he met a girl who is really in love with him, he is convinced, after much hesitation, to speak out with that girl, she was afraid of getting yet another rejection, but this is not state. The report is totally non-aggressive, the girl went on for months in an exclusively emotional but extremely serious. The boy has lost his job and girlfriend has always supported. After about a year and a half things have changed, while remaining with the girl he had to leave for work. Could be seen only on Saturdays and Sundays. I reproduce below a piece of mail when the boy informed me that you have overcome the problem and have begun to understand the meaning of masturbation and sexuality.
"Pro Hello, I think I got there, I think so. Well tonight I have a dream, something soft, sweet, nice, I missed like crazy, but it was a beautiful dream, is the first time I make a sexual dream, do not believe who knows what, caresses, kisses, things like that but the fact is that I came in my dreams and it was beautiful. This is the first time a pollution seems to me a beautiful thing. Anyways', is already high, but over here, can you imagine the rest, I made it! It seems to me one more thing a bit 'strange but is by no means repel, in reality it is true that it is a way to love someone! Pro, can not imagine how I feel happy! I sent a text message and I told him and he said that he feels happier than me. You say, will it last? I sure hope so. Honestly, I feel a little 'strange. Pro, I might as well have a family, maybe I run too, I guess I'll have to understand a lot of things, I really feel like a kid who discovers a new world! "
Unfortunately, situations like the one just described are not common. In essence, the sexuality in these situations must be conveyed through a profound emotional dimension. It seems clear that when a guy who lives these situations you do not win by discouragement and accepts the risk of telling the truth, the chances increase greatly. Being overcome by fear and self-closing door to the rejection of deep emotional experiences, overcoming fear is essential.
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