public and I get the following mail. I deleted only explicit references to places and circumstances that would jeopardize the privacy of individuals.
_____________
Dear Project,
We've known for some time now, we've had our quarrels and our moments of serenity and me. During recent months I have happened to all the colors, and this made me think a lot.
Let me explain ... Do you remember that I had ordered a few months ago about your behavior? Yes, I said that it was not fair that you were to say that your work is useless, and indeed is a loss. Yes, I they felt betrayed by your statements and the fact that you had been around all that time, comforting and trying to provide means to deal with the distressing situation where you were, to no avail. As if my efforts are being used for nothing, as if in the end your selfishness was more important to the affection and respect that bound us all this time.
Good. Months have passed since those days, and I thought. Right now I am experiencing a situation in some ways "like" with a boy. I find myself talking to him via sms or msn, the phone never even less we met. A "relationship" that lasted for about 3 months.
This guy does not want to see me, because he is afraid that things would be worse, he's afraid that the end is good for nothing, has no incentive viable. He says he wants to die.
He has been close, and he says he opened his heart to me and told me that actually likes me ... But without an affection that we can meet that fate can never have?
few months, in theory, if everything goes as it should, I'll have to transfer to another city, away from the remote fragment Tuscany where he lives ... and I asked him again for one last time if you would live with me, even at the cost of having to keep working on the double. That is my family se ne va al nord, ma io per lui sarei restato volentieri qui sebbene sia la sola ragione per la quale me ne starei quaggiù. Perché non ho altro quaggiù, non ho amici né altre forme forti di serenità.
He has been close, and he says he opened his heart to me and told me that actually likes me ... But without an affection that we can meet that fate can never have?
few months, in theory, if everything goes as it should, I'll have to transfer to another city, away from the remote fragment Tuscany where he lives ... and I asked him again for one last time if you would live with me, even at the cost of having to keep working on the double. That is my family se ne va al nord, ma io per lui sarei restato volentieri qui sebbene sia la sola ragione per la quale me ne starei quaggiù. Perché non ho altro quaggiù, non ho amici né altre forme forti di serenità.
Lui continua a dirmi che il suo proposito di autoannientamento non è stato rimosso, nonostante l'affetto che prova per me.
Ho provato, giuro che ho provato in ogni modo possibile di chiedergli il perché. Di offrirgli un'alternativa piacevole ad una lenta morte da vegetale.
Niente... Insomma: io ancora I love it! And to hell with what they all say that "looking for a guy to not be alone" ... Nonsense! I wanted to build a future with him, living a true love (maybe forever).
I always thought that love is shared, both giving and receiving on the other hand, is building a peace and happiness with each other. What's wrong with wanting to be happy together? Why should you think that you want to be with someone is not necessarily a symptom of not being able to be alone? [And I say this for all those who believe that] I'm used to being alone, and since I was little that Left completely alone and I no longer have deep affections (now I am 22 years old). In short, it is not a question of loneliness, is that I really wanted to be comfortable with a person as beautiful as this guy, making him feel good too ... I wanted both of them could be happy.
Oh well, just to give a logical conduit between the first part of the email in which I recalled the past with you, Project, and the second with this guy, I wanted to tell everyone something that I think is very important (perhaps often underestimated, because taken for granted):
1) Try to adopt forms of "weak thought", that is not granite, which can easily revise their beliefs to those of others, going against those of others. Specifically my situation I take the case of the boy: "What's it cost to try? At least try to be happy ?"... because after all the evidence that I gave him love and sincerity, he could be happy with me ...
2) I even asked why they "insisted on putting me in front of his affection for his fears ... Well! True love should be stronger than these weaknesses, as well as the selfishness more stupid (like not wanting to change at least a little 'own way of seeing things). I have always been the idea that "love is stronger than death as well, since it survives." And if nothing else, "Love should be stronger than pride."
always to return the boy, seeing that there are, I also said that to me any relationship with him would be well. E 'affection, or love in its purest form, what binds me to him. I said this mainly because he kept telling me that for him "love is a weakness" and "I do not think that if we were together things andrebbero meglio, né che durerebbero"... Insomma, l'ho fatto perché gli voglio bene, lo voglio vicino a me, ma anche per lui! Per farlo stare più a suo agio, visto che rifugge l'amore. E non c'è stato nulla da fare nemmeno qui.
Mi sono impuntato sul vederlo almeno una volta nella mia vita prima di andarmene per sempre. Non ho intenzione di chiudere una faccenda così umana in un modo così freddo come l'sms.
Insomma... quello che dovevo dire a tutti l'ho detto, e credo di non aver sbagliato nel mio pensiero né con lui o altre persone ancora. Se volete dirmi qualche cosa fate pure, sia critiche che consigli che riflessioni. Qualsiasi cosa.
Insomma... quello che dovevo dire a tutti l'ho detto, e credo di non aver sbagliato nel mio pensiero né con lui o altre persone ancora. Se volete dirmi qualche cosa fate pure, sia critiche che consigli che riflessioni. Qualsiasi cosa.
Everything is welcome, and thank you already now for the moral support. Because I swear I'm overwhelmed by all these efforts do not see them and then never even met and never fail to reach a modicum of serenity.
Please Project, submit it (cut what you do not like, but leave intact at least the gist) ...
Hello.
________________
Hello,
first resentful and I'm glad to see that you have not lost the desire to prove yourself, that item of mail "go on the pitch" I liked it very much. It is true that when I spent time Gray has sought to do everything to make me go over but then you're lapping disappointed that I was led to see things mostly negative. At times I also heard you on a very negative tone that I was worried, but I see this message of another kind, you understand that there are true feelings behind that you have given very serious reasons, we see that you get involved by feelings, which is the only thing that can give serenità. Non pensare solo a se stessi e ai propri problemi ma potersi dedicare ad un’altra persona migliora la qualità della vita, il fatto è che poi scattano dei meccanismo incontrollabili e ci si aspetta una risposta, ci si aspetta dall’altra parte un coinvolgimento simmetrico che purtroppo è molto raro, quando poi dall’altra parte trovi toni realmente depressi sei portato a intensificare gli sforzi perché quella depressione sia superata ma spesso vedi che tutti i tuoi sforzi sono inutili, lo dico perché è capitato anche a me parecchie volte, proprio quando tu hai cercato di farmi vedere le cose in una luce più positiva, ma ti devo dire una cosa, che sembra paradossale ma qualche volta è vera, the happiness of another person to whom we may well not take very much depend on us but other people and other situations that can really change things. It is very difficult to accept such a thing because the good of others does not correspond with ours, in such cases the most frequent responses are the net: either you're with me or not we feel, but it is here that it makes sense that the choice of weak attitude to which you made reference, sometimes accept low profiles is really for the good of others, which must feel a presence nearby and when they feel the need but should not feel to put narrow. Of course, if you could think of happiness di quel ragazzo magari lontano da te ma alla sua felicità fuori dalla depressione, allora ti sarebbe più facile accettare anche un ruolo di basso profilo, al momento questo non è lo scenario che ti si presenta e quindi tendi ad essere comunque presente e credo sia inevitabile, ma il basso profilo spesso ha un valore inestimabile, msn, gli sms, non sono banalità e quando trovi una persona che non si lascerebbe coinvolgere ad altri livelli, questi mezzi di comunicazione hanno un’importanza enorme. La serenità di fondo di una persona dipende in gran parte dalla consapevolezza di essere importante per qualcuno. Si può essere importanti in tanti modi, si può addirittura vivere insieme, ma si può essere importanti, e dico really important in the sense of the term, even as a reference point when they feel the need. I also happen to speak often with boys tend to be depressed and did not seem unrivet an inch from a position of total negativity and this caused me considerable anxiety and concern, but then on the one hand, the contacts are diluted and the ' have begun to emerge even more positive elements. My level of anxiety and concern about these guys is decreased and the real dialogue is not all lost. I understand that for you it is a different role and accept a low profile to a boy when you're in love is difficult, but this is a way of loving.
A big hug.
Project
___________
If you want, you can participate in the discussion of this post is open to the Gay Project Forum:
0 comments:
Post a Comment