Hello Project,
I ended up on the blog by accident, not even by accident, honestly I was looking a bit 'of porn, this is reality, then I started to read and went on throughout the evening. I wanted to chat, but I will not have felt almost a sense of revulsion, I do not know defined differently, I do not know what we could find and maybe I could leave bad, but in the end this is what I need. I think of you guys he has known many gay, I have twenty years, I go to university with good results, I would basically satisfied with my life if there was the fact that I practically live two lives, one for the other, one of the good boy all home and church (yes, even that) and one for me, the boy's repressed that may never be able to be himself. I'm gay, I have no doubt of this, I never had any sexual interest in girls but I can not accept my being gay. Several years ago (to 13/14 years old, can not remember not exactly) I did some time of sex play with another boy of my age, just after he has become completely heterosexual and I have become totally gay. He just does not remember any more but for me has become a kind of obsession, with very attractive and very repulsive. I've often thought that I became gay as a result of those events, but if we think rationally does not seem possible. For the other guy beyond the momentary curiosity there was nothing, I think this means that I was in some sense predisposed to become gay. But back to my second life, I feel totally repressed, coming to do anything if I can think of a purpose sex (which he never in practice). In the last year of high school I fell in love with my partner, I did everything to be with him in the room and the school trip to be able to see him naked for a moment, and I did. In practice, that for me was the only purpose of the school trip, just an obsession. That boy is straight, I never told anyone of being gay, and so I limit myself to steal something sexual because I know that I could never speak openly and even less hope that a guy could fall in love with me, and instead of me girls fall in love, I do everything to encourage them not but they are following me and I do not ever give up. Everyone thinks that I am straight the fact that I have always so many girls around me but I'm not even friends, I do not trust at all, as I do not trust even in boys. Then live porn but it is disappointing, basically my life consists only of the study (that gives me satisfaction all right) and at the end of porn that brings me to my disgust but it is also the only form of sexuality accessible. At home I have my room but there are always keys to the doors, even to the bathroom, then to spend some 'quiet I have to wait to have my sleep which never happens before one night, in short step my evenings in visiting porn sites waiting for my go to sleep, afraid that someone might enter at any moment, and then I vent a bit ', but even there things are depressing, not before or during but especially after, I feel like shit and I want to throw it all away because it makes no sense to go on. Sometimes I think I have something pathological, I do not know how to say, just something wrong on a psychic level, and I would get out of this double life that is in practice a double frustration. I cut ties with all the boys I knew, by dint of being told no, also came the desire to call me and invite me. Now we bring you even then my parents who give everything for granted and even if they are smart people did not understand anything. Project, with this state of mind that I came to your blog and hit me quite frankly, it's virtually unique in the web and in the stories of some guys are reviewed. I had never written an email like this and above all, I never thought of being able to send but now I try to make me strong and to do so. If you want to publish it because there are no specific personal items, but I ask you to send the reply e-mail. I read that you can talk to you on msn, I send you my contact (omitted), I'd love to talk a bit '(do not know if i will actually have the courage to do so).
I ended up on the blog by accident, not even by accident, honestly I was looking a bit 'of porn, this is reality, then I started to read and went on throughout the evening. I wanted to chat, but I will not have felt almost a sense of revulsion, I do not know defined differently, I do not know what we could find and maybe I could leave bad, but in the end this is what I need. I think of you guys he has known many gay, I have twenty years, I go to university with good results, I would basically satisfied with my life if there was the fact that I practically live two lives, one for the other, one of the good boy all home and church (yes, even that) and one for me, the boy's repressed that may never be able to be himself. I'm gay, I have no doubt of this, I never had any sexual interest in girls but I can not accept my being gay. Several years ago (to 13/14 years old, can not remember not exactly) I did some time of sex play with another boy of my age, just after he has become completely heterosexual and I have become totally gay. He just does not remember any more but for me has become a kind of obsession, with very attractive and very repulsive. I've often thought that I became gay as a result of those events, but if we think rationally does not seem possible. For the other guy beyond the momentary curiosity there was nothing, I think this means that I was in some sense predisposed to become gay. But back to my second life, I feel totally repressed, coming to do anything if I can think of a purpose sex (which he never in practice). In the last year of high school I fell in love with my partner, I did everything to be with him in the room and the school trip to be able to see him naked for a moment, and I did. In practice, that for me was the only purpose of the school trip, just an obsession. That boy is straight, I never told anyone of being gay, and so I limit myself to steal something sexual because I know that I could never speak openly and even less hope that a guy could fall in love with me, and instead of me girls fall in love, I do everything to encourage them not but they are following me and I do not ever give up. Everyone thinks that I am straight the fact that I have always so many girls around me but I'm not even friends, I do not trust at all, as I do not trust even in boys. Then live porn but it is disappointing, basically my life consists only of the study (that gives me satisfaction all right) and at the end of porn that brings me to my disgust but it is also the only form of sexuality accessible. At home I have my room but there are always keys to the doors, even to the bathroom, then to spend some 'quiet I have to wait to have my sleep which never happens before one night, in short step my evenings in visiting porn sites waiting for my go to sleep, afraid that someone might enter at any moment, and then I vent a bit ', but even there things are depressing, not before or during but especially after, I feel like shit and I want to throw it all away because it makes no sense to go on. Sometimes I think I have something pathological, I do not know how to say, just something wrong on a psychic level, and I would get out of this double life that is in practice a double frustration. I cut ties with all the boys I knew, by dint of being told no, also came the desire to call me and invite me. Now we bring you even then my parents who give everything for granted and even if they are smart people did not understand anything. Project, with this state of mind that I came to your blog and hit me quite frankly, it's virtually unique in the web and in the stories of some guys are reviewed. I had never written an email like this and above all, I never thought of being able to send but now I try to make me strong and to do so. If you want to publish it because there are no specific personal items, but I ask you to send the reply e-mail. I read that you can talk to you on msn, I send you my contact (omitted), I'd love to talk a bit '(do not know if i will actually have the courage to do so).
__________
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