Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Thicker Than A Toilet Paper Roll

RAGAZZI GAY IN PISCINA TRA TENEREZZA E SESSUALITA'

Hello Project,
have happened by chance to "project gay" and I started to read, is really amazing for me to meet, nothing is too much nor too little, it is the life of gay guys as I live. I never weighed to write to someone to talk to me so close but since there is the anonymity I opened a new mail and I am determined. I thought of writing to ask advice or just to speak my mind on an issue that now buzzes me in the head a lot and that the relationship between sex and affection, that is the way you have sex in fact fall in love with a boy .
begin beginning. I am 21 years old, studying at university, I never had a real social life, friends or anything like that at school I was at the game of others, I pretended straight, as I think it's almost mandatory to do, I had my Cottarelli for My companion, a regular straight, you have suffered at the beginning, then I am done for a reason. University of cute guys I see as many as you like but it is at school, all straight. We study and practice there is nothing, not even during the breaks go out of the classroom and spend time rearranging notes. At home then provides total, only child, shamelessly coddled by my mother and two unmarried aunts, not least by my father that I do not asphyxiation. A house does not have a book or a gay film. I do not mean girls, this is obvious, but even to kids, only for study and exams. Apparently no one is too many questions. The classic speech, "you've got a girlfriend?" At my house, I never feel it. In an environment like that, in practice monitored visually and without any kind of occasions, for me, sexuality has always been a problem. I can not talk to anyone at any level and I have to be careful not to see me well before my TV when the transmit some information about gays. I'm not homophobic, just believe that gays live on other planets and that "we normal people, we have nothing to do with those" words testuali di mia zia. Ho scoperto la masturbazione piuttosto tardi, verso i 15 anni, proprio perché fin dai tempi della suola media questi argomenti sono stati regolarmente messi da parte come se l’ignoranza totale potesse prevenire chissà che cosa. Ero talmente lontano dalle cose del sesso che quando mi sono masturbato per la prima volta e sono arrivato all’eiaculazione mi sono preoccupato tantissimo perché non avevo proprio capito di che cosa si trattasse e pensavo che ci fosse qualcosa che non andava e che quella roba bianca fosse magari dovuta al fatto che ci avevo dato giù troppo e che mi si era rotto qualcosa dentro, magari nei reni. E poi non ne potevo parlare con nessuno, ho avuto proprio paura di stare male, quel girono mi sono misurato la febbre tante volte perché pensavo che mi sarebbe successo qualcosa ma non è successo niente. All’epoca non potevo nemmeno cercare su internet perché non avevo un computer mio e cercare su quello di mio padre lasciando tracce del genere non mi sembrava proprio il caso. Poi i miei sono cattolici e, almeno fino a un certo punto, pure io, e quindi la domenica si andava in chiesa, mamma e le zie facevano sempre la comunione e la facevo pure io. In pratica dai 15 anni mi confessavo ogni domenica di essermi masturbato, mi ripromettevo assolutamente di smettere ma poi, inevitabilmente ci ricadevo, in pratica era ogni settimana la stessa storia. Non dicevo mai al prete che ero gay perché non è quello il peccato, almeno io avevo well understood. In essence, a depressing thing, a struggle with myself that was repeated every week. Then when I did 16 years gave me the first computer of my own and there I was the mother of invention, I have studied with great care as you put the password because no one could access my computer, I think my father did not would have made for reasons of principle (and I respect him because he respects me) but my mother would put a hand there and how, I am sure, you think it is the duty of a good business meddling mother of the child, but put the password I could feel comfortable. I could not close in the room, that my parents would not have tolerated it, but I had my computer where no one could be in the way of my business. I rearranged the furniture in my room so that my desk looked toward the door, so no one could enter without me noticing it and I fixed the location of your computer so you have time to turn the page if someone had entered. Internet pornography, especially meant for me. At first it was just an obsession, I could not wait in the evening to put before the computer even though I had to wait until all were gone to bed. At first it was just a frantic hunt for free porn sites, but I was and am still very selective, porn, yes, but there must be something sweet, affectionate, otherwise return. Mi sono fatto una collezione enorme di foto, meno di video, cercavo il mio modello fisico di ragazzo ideale e poi ci lavoravo sopra di fantasia cercando di costruirmi il film di una storia con un ragazzo, una specie di storia d’amore tenero e anche di sesso, tutto mescolato insieme. Tutta la mia sessualità si è ridotta alla masturbazione e a queste fantasie, che però mi piacevano tantissimo. Non mi sentivo frustrato né pensavo che mi mancasse realmente qualcosa o, almeno, non lo pensavo fino a poco tempo fa. E qui comincia la seconda parte della storia. Sono piuttosto alto e molto magro e, dopo una fastidiosa influenza, il dottore di famiglia ha insistito con i miei perché io facessi un po’ di sport. All’inizio proprio non ne volevo sapere perché non lo avevo mai fatto, nemmeno da piccolo, poi i miei hanno insistito e io ho cominciato a pensare che in effetti la cosa avrebbe potuto avere anche una finalità in un certo senso sessuale e allora ho accettato: tre volte alla settimana in una piscina vicinissima a casa (ci vado a piedi in 20 minuti). Ci vado il pomeriggio alle 18.00 in modo da avere un po’ di tempo libero da dedicare anche ad altre cose. La prima volta che ci sono entrato per l’iscrizione e per pagare la quota sono rimasto scombussolato: un bel posto, molto pulito e molto ben attrezzato, mi mettono al corso principianti e mi fanno conoscere l’allenatore, un ragazzo di 25/30 anni massimo, ma proprio bello, con un sorriso bellissimo e una stretta di mano diciamo atletica. Comunque è stato un colloquio brevissimo. Il pomeriggio ho comprato costume, accappatoio, asciugamani e borsa, ho cercato il costume meno compromettente cioè quello che mi difendesse di più in caso di erezione e poi mi è venuta proprio la paranoia dell’erezione: se mi succede che faccio? E ho cominciato a fare avanti e indietro: ci vado o non ci vado? E poi mi chiedevo se le docce avessero i divisori e tante altre cose del genere, comunque prendo la decisione di andare in piscina già col costume addosso per superare almeno il primo imbarazzo, poi, se del caso, avrei potuto allontanarmi 10 minuti prima degli altri e andare nello spogliatoio quando non c’era nessuno. Le incertezze what to do were so many, though I had paid and then my expected it, in short, at 17.45 o'clock in the day after I make my entrance into the pool, there is the coach, I submit to the other, the boys more or less many are my age, a total of about a dozen of the 15 course. The coach puts us sitting on the benches poolside waiting to put on "those" of course, to set a course for girls, then you can not enter the dressing room until they are finished, when I say the coach does a mischievous smile very spontaneous, say typically straight, which makes me exclude the number of interesting guys. Meanwhile, three eyed boys niente male e in particolare uno dei tre che alla battuta dell’allenatore aveva reagito in un modo un po’ imbarazzato. Entriamo e faccio in modo da prendere posto sulla panca dello spogliatoio proprio vicino a lui, non so se lui se ne sia reso conto ma era imbarazzatissimo. Io avevo il costume sotto e mi sentivo piuttosto tranquillo, lui invece si è messo il costume lì ma in un modo tutto particolare. Aveva una camicia molto lunga (penso che l’avesse scelta proprio per quel motivo), prima ha tirato fuori gli orli della camicia che in pratica coprivano tutta la “zona x” poi si è abbassato i pantaloni tirandoli dalla parte bassa, senza alzare i lembi della camicia, poi si è sfilato gli slip con una manovra del very similar and has slipped on the costume and took him to bring it up over her shirt, in practice it all lasted no more than 10 seconds and, of course, did not see anything, then he took off his shirt and shirt I saw him only with the costume on him. It was just beautiful, a hundred times better than me! In the meantime I had taken off his pants and shirt and I was in costume too. I searched his pack and practically nothing could be seen clearly was so embarrassed that the situation did not cause any sexual response, for me it was not exactly like that but my costume was pretty hard and I well contained, though I tried to distract to pass that the principle of erection. During la lezione c’erano altre persone, c’era l’allenatore e quindi mi sono distratto. Comunque lanciavo al ragazzo ogni tanto occhiate furtive e qualche volta l’ho beccato che anche lui mi guardava. In pratica mi chiedevo che cosa avrebbe fatto alla fine della lezione, se sarei riuscito a vederlo nudo e che cosa avrei dovuto fare io con le docce. Poi il momento è arrivato. Entriamo nello spogliatoio e lui ripete la stessa manovra che aveva fatto quando si era messo il costume ma al contrario, in pratica si asciuga il torace, si rimette maglietta e camicia “a tendina” poi si sfila il costume, si asciuga e si infila mutande e pantaloni sempre sotto il lembo della camicia, anche questa volta il tutto è rapidissimo e non see anything. I put the bathrobe I wipe and put my clothes into the dressing gown but just say the most beautiful I open the robe and the beak that is throwing the eye, turns away and I apologize! Something very unusual in a locker room of a swimming pool. I finish in a few seconds to get dressed, red-faced with embarrassment, but I will not lose contact with him, even if instead of seeing him I had been him who had seen me. Mind was putting things in the bag I thought to ask him why I had apologized, but I would have embarrassed and so I just asked if it was the first time was in the pool (stupid question) and from there we started to talk a bit ', was relieved that I had not given weight to the episode of the bathrobe. We went to the bar, we took a drink then asked him if I had a car, I said no and I offered to accompany him because, strangely enough for my routine walk, I came into the stain. I took him home, rather distant, about 20 minutes by car, we talked only of sport and training, when he left I was greeted with a nice handshake, very determined. I'll call him Mark, but actually has a name that inspires me a lot of uncommon sweetness. I have noticed that my home I got good experience in the pool and have been happy. Know Mark has completely changed my life, not that apparent, of course, but that sexual. In practice it is almost completely vanished era of pornography and the era of Mark. I am a great tenderness and this is the point, it is a sexual tenderness, practically all of my sexuality is dedicated only to him and all my mental film have a single protagonist. I love it because it's a good guy, if possible even more clumsy than me, but I would also like sexually and I'm not ashamed to say it. We were early into embarrassing situations that I feel guilty because I had not talked to him clearly, for example, sometimes call me at night al cellulare, gli avevo detto che non posso parlare troppo perché ci sono i miei a casa e non ho la privacy che vorrei, ma lui mi chiamava lo stesso e stavamo anche mezz’ora e per me quelle telefonate avevano un valore erotico fortissimo, quando sapevo che stava per chiamarmi me ne vado a letto e mi masturbavo sotto le coperte quando mi parlava al telefono. Di questo mi sentivo un po’ in colpa, perché lui non lo sapeva, ma io avrei tanto voluto che lui facesse lo stesso. Col passare del tempo, in piscina, le cose sono un po’ cambiate, e siamo diventati proprio amici, lo andavo a prendere a casa e lo riaccompagnavo a casa tre volte alla settimana e parlavamo parecchio anche se mai di cose legate al sesso. Negli spogliatoi l’imbarazzo slowly the first time we had passed, he did not use the shirt as "drop down" and was changed by my side remain naked for a second and just as I did, it was very short but sometimes gave me a look at the time and I used to pretend to him but nothing. At the end of us was a kind of sexual contact accepted. I noticed that, as Americans would say, That is really gifted in that department and I can not deny when I thought my blood boil. Then it happened a fact that has changed things completely. One evening, after her home, we were a long talk in the car and in practice we have declared themselves. Before he made a long preamble that might want to say one thing, then I asked him if I could shake his hand and I said yes, it was a close intense that never ended, I told him: "You're embarrassing when I say that they are sexually aroused?" I replied: "It also happens to me." It had been over five months since we first met. Marco embrace, finally able to kiss, finally able to touch even intimately knowing that what he was doing well and see that between us was just an experience sexuality in unison, with virtually identical reactions, see a guy who "wants" stay with me, we can think of a couple that probably will not collapse, I makes me feel great. Oram we've been together three months and my life changed. My sexuality belongs to Mark. Unfortunately we can not live our feelings in light of the sun, but there is nothing I would change the world with the happiness of being near him because he is a sweet guy, a bit 'as I think it was me, but it is also much sensual. When we are intimate it seems to me to dream. Unfortunately, we do different studies and probably will also work very different, our history we live in secret, we'll meet once a week and spend together on Saturday afternoon and Sunday in a small house outside of town in the Apennines, the last month it was bitterly cold and stay embraced under the covers was just a tender thing. It's great to live together sex and tenderness. Sometimes I'm afraid it's just a dream and that could end at any moment, when out and about in the car I do I send a text message every time you arrive at your destination and I do the same with him. Our happiness I have to save at any cost. That's why I wanted to say to the children of gay project, sex and tenderness are one and the happiness you can! So come on! An affectionate greeting to you, Project, that you put on this project. Of course you can publish your mail. A hug dear to all. Michael
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